An Open Letter to George W. Bush

Dear President Bush,

Last week, you revealed to the world that you had put away your golf clubs out of respect for the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. You've been taking quite a bit of heat for those statements. People have called them insensitive, hypocritical, pathetic, and disgraceful.

I imagine these characterizations have caused you quite a bit of stress. They may have even hurt your feelings. You know what I've found helps me when I'm stressed out and feeling blue?

A nice round of golf.

President Bush - this is an invitation to join me for a round of golf at your earliest convenience. As a school teacher, I have a little time off coming soon so we can play any time that is good for you. I prefer to play during the week as to avoid the weekend rates and crowds, but I'll splurge if you come into town.

With low approval ratings and what some people are calling a failed presidency, I cannot help but notice that things have soured for you ever since you gave up the great game of golf. You were golfing throughout your dramatic run to the White House in 2000. You were golfing at the beginning of the Afghanistan and Iraq invasions when the military successfully ousted the Taliban and captured Saddam Hussein.

At some point during this time, you quit golfing. Look at what's happened since: Mission Accomplished, heck of a job, Brownie, Harriet Myers, rising gas prices, Alberto Gonzalez, a failing economy, Dick Cheney shooting people in the face, etc. I don't mean to open old wounds, but you've made some bogeys over the last few years. Let's be honest - some double and triple bogeys. I'm not a scientific or political genius, but I see a clear connection here:

Lack of golf = disastrous presidency

If you had continued golfing instead of this silly boycott, you might have avoided the pratfalls of your presidency. I know it seems silly, so let me explain - your golfing habits and knowledge never left you even though you quit playing. They just transferred from the links to the White House. It explains so many of your mistakes.

For example:

Keep your head down: You did this, but instead of it resulting in solid contact with the golf ball, it resulted in your failure to see the horrible situation developing in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Your head must have been down while FEMA and Brownie bungled the relief effort in Louisiana. Your head was down while gas prices shot up. Heck, you had no idea gasoline was going to be $4/gallon this summer. Even I knew that! The problem - your head was down. If only you had still been playing golf...

Drive for show, putt for dough: Classic golfing mistake that you should have gotten out of your system on the links. Golfers know that a good tee shot is important, but it means nothing if you cannot put the ball into the hole. You have to finish the hole. President Bush, your war in Iraq started well, but it has not finished that way. You shanked your approach, duffed your chip and are three-putting your way out of the office. "Mission Accomplished" was great show, but what about the dough? If only you had still been playing golf...

Old people are stubborn: Nowhere is this truism more evident than on a golf course. Have you tried to play through the old folks' lowball? They won't budge, no matter how many holes are in front of them or how slowly they are playing their round. You thought you could convince them to let you tweak their Social Security? Mr. President, you should have known better - old folks don't budge. If only you had still been playing golf...

There are other problems that developed solely because you quit golfing, but I'll save those for when we play together. The key is that the golfer inside you never left; he just manifested himself in President Bush instead of Hacker Bush.

Here is the good news: you still have several months left in the White House to fix things. It all starts when you dust off the clubs and hit the links. I'm going to make a tee time at a lovely course called Moccasin Bend for next week under the last name "Carpenter." It is a public course that gives me a discount for being a teacher and is flat enough to walk. I know you are used to riding when you play, but with gas prices so high I can't afford to splurge on a cart. We'll talk about that one at the turn.

Mark Twain once called golf, "a good walk spoiled," but it is wiser to spoil a walk than an entire presidency. Tee it up, Mr. President. Tee it up.

Sincerely,
The Scenic City Sportsblog