My Week On the Brink - Wednesday

I predicted meltdowns yesterday and was proven prophetic today. There was tears, much whining and quite a bit of general unhappiness on Day #3 of camp.

How did I know it would happen? Here is how camp generally runs in the mind of a 6th grade camper: Day #1 is full of promise as the week will surely prove Mom right that I am really good at basketball; Day #2 still has promise because most of Day #1 was spent sitting around instead of showcasing my skills; Day #3 is the first realization that Mom is full of crap because I'm not any good at basketball; Day #4 is coming to terms with my lack of athletic skills, my lying Mother, and instead focusing on goofing off and having fun; Day #5 is desperation in the hopes of winning some kind of contest to salvage what little pride is still left after a week of camp and salvage my relationship with Mom.

So today was My Mom is Full of Crap Day. There were many contests and lots of playing. Sounds like fun, unless you are losing. The losers took it tough today. One kid in my group went down like Michael Spinks after catching an elbow to the cheek. The wounded camper was mostly upset about not getting the ball (it would help if he occasionally moved on offense), but the cheek assault was a good excuse to let out a week of bottled-up frustration.

The biggest challenge at summer camp is trying to keep enough order for the kids who want to improve while also giving room for the kids who just want to have fun. After all, this is not prison detail or anything. I cannot ask a kid to run laps or get up in his face for goofing off in a drill. That kid won't come back, will get his refund and I'll be out my share of his fee. At the same time, there are kids who get frustrated by the idiocy of groupmates who ruin everything with their silliness. It is a fine line to walk as camp coach.

My usual solution is to ignore the idiocy as much as possible and give lots of feedback to the kids who are really trying. I also try to keep everything moving so fast that there is little time for silliness. For example, my station is using two lines to do perimeter moves. One line simply passes the ball and then rebounds it. There is no point to this line at all, but it does give a job to someone who would otherwise be standing deep in a line. That kid would be likely to goof off if he/she was not about to take a turn as passer. I wish I could say it prevents all silliness, but it seems to at least limit it a bit.

I wish I had a solution for the whining, but I don't have a fix for that one yet.

"Can we do something else?"

"Can I be on Timmy's team?"

"What about my 1st amendment rights?"

Today I made the colossal mistake of suggesting shirts and skins after we forgot to grab jerseys for our scrimmage games. These self-conscious 5th graders were ready to riot if I made them disrobe to play basketball. Since when did 5th graders get self-conscious? One particular kid was glaring at me like he was Robespierre and I was Louis XVI. Obviously, I saved my head and sent someone to find the jerseys. From that point forward, the whining was incessant throughout the entire game. Fouls, passes, travels - you name it, they whined about it.

I know this all makes basketball camp sound like some cross between Lord of the Flies and that whitewater rafting movie with Kevin Bacon. Not the one with Meryl Streep; the other one where Bacon fell into a hole and had to be rescued by the very kids he had been picking on for the last hour.

Anyway, the reason it sounds like that is because it is. If parents could see the humiliation, discouragement and embarrassment their $150 is buying, they would sue us child abuse. So how come we have 60 campers showing up each day?

Two words: candy bars.

These kids put up with all the shame of basketball camp in the hopes of winning a Kit Kat bar. Win one - the day was a success. Come up short - take your Zoloff. The genius of this particular camp are the rules that a) you can only win one candy bar a day and b) you can only win a candy bar at a particular contest once per week. That pretty much guarantees everyone at least one candy bar during the course of the week. We have an Indian kid (Asian, not Native) this week who might be the most clueless camper I have ever encountered. He is going into the 4th grade, but looks just a little taller than Abby. Every once in a while, one of his shots gets high enough to hit the rim. Not go in, mind you. No, just hit the rim. Even he will win a candy bar this week. We'll rig a game of dribble tag for him or give him "Best Stretcher of the Day."

Each camp day ends with coaches' comments and candy bars. The kids sit down all fired up from the scrimmage's injustices, but walk away 10 minutes later with smiles and Reese's Cups.

Pretty simple concept - if the campers are unhappy, let them eat candy.