East Coast Bias

Last night was yet another NBA playoff thriller in Utah as the Houston Rockets fended off the Utah Jazz thanks to an amazing block and save by Houston rookie Carl Landry (who had a tooth knocked out earlier in the game). If this series went 21 games, it would surely be 11-10 for one team or the other. The same can be said for the Spurs vs. Suns and Mavs vs. Hornets.

Sadly, I have watched less than an hour of these series outside of the Saturday afternoon game between San Antonio and Phoenix. This is the best basketball on the planet in one of the best years of basketball in NBA history and I cannot stay up late enough to watch it.

Wait, you say, what about the earlier games? Yes, it is true - I can enjoy the Magic vs. Raptors series. I have no problem staying up for Rasheed Wallace vs. Andre Iguodala. If the Hawks can find a way to stay within 20 points of the Celtics, I will be watching.

The best basketball is being played out West these days while I'm living in Chattanooga. This brings me to the following question:

Is there any advantage whatsoever to living in the Eastern Time Zone?

As far as watching sports goes, there are none. I wait longer for games to begin and then cannot stay awake long enough to see the ones on the West Coast finish.

What about in other facets of life? Here is all I can come up with for advantages to living in the East:

1) My vote matters more - chances are the election will be decided before polls are closed in Oregon. Then again, my vote doesn't really matter much because of the electoral college's winner-takes-all system that makes voting pointless in all but about ten up-for-grabs states. Never mind.

2) I can eat my breakfast in peace without college football distracting me at 9 a.m. from my bowl of Shredded Wheat. Breakfast IS the most important meal of the day.

3) Because I'm at home watching games until I go to sleep, I don't waste lots of money at bars and restaurants at night hanging out with my friends. Those poor West Coast saps have nothing to watch after 10 p.m., so they have to leave the house, have expensive cocktails and meaningful conversations. No thanks.

4) The media is biased towards my teams, except for Jim Rome and that jerk Pedro Gomez.

5) Let's say the rapture happens. If it goes down at 11 a.m. EST on a Sunday, there is a half-decent chance I will have been or might even be sitting in church being a good Christian. Good news for me - I don't get Left Behind like that guy from Growing Pains. On the West Coast, it would be 7 a.m. and people would still be asleep after a Saturday night of partying (see #3) without repentance. Do you think God is really going to factor in the time difference when He makes decisions about salvation? It at least gives us ESTers an advantage, no?

Other than my cereal being less soggy and my chances for eternal life being better, there are no advantages to being stuck in the Eastern Time Zone. Tonight, when Steve Nash sinks a game-winner at the buzzer of triple-overtime and I'm sound asleep dreaming of living in California, will be just another reminder of it.